This sword and I have been through so much together. It's been my protector, my solace, my defender. It's sliced through so much garbage, to reveal the truth hidden beneath all the lies. It's taken me from a scared little girl, to a strong fearless warrior. It's given me back my life. It's given me back ME. It has served it's purpose well. I will forever be grateful.
And now, I want to lay my sword down. I want to let it go. I want to end this war. The last war that I'm still fighting. The war with my Dad. It's been long and it's painful, and it's time to bring it to an end.
And yet, as I say that, I really do not know how to do that, or what that looks like. I have tried many times, to put my sword down, with my Dad, and I always pick it back up. Maybe, I wasn't ready yet. Am I now? I'm certainly willing. The difference this time, may be that I am acknowledging that I don't know how to do this, and I'm asking the Universe to help me.
In the past, I do know I've given away my power to him, when I would continue to expect him to acknowledge my pain. He cannot do that. He will not do that. He's proved that many times. Today, I acknowledge my pain, and that is enough for me.
In the past, I also kept trying to get him to acknowledge the truth. The truth that I remembered. The truth that he had chosen to forget. It took me a long time to understand why I needed his acknowledgment. I didn't trust myself. I had lived so far away from myself, for so long, that I had no way to know how to trust myself.
But that has changed. I'm not that naive, timid, passive girl anymore. I've worked hard, and I'm a strong, assertive woman now. I live in my body. I live in my truth. I no longer need his words, to know what is true for me.
And maybe that is why I'm now ready, to lay my sword down. I no longer need anything from him. I have given myself what I needed. I have been my own best parent. And that may mean that I no longer have any need to have a relationship with him, or it may mean that I am able to have some kind of relationship with him. I honestly don't know at this moment. What I do know is that I want to cultivate peace in my heart, where there has been so much anger. I want to bask in this feeling, and let it radiate out from me.
Blessings,
Robbin
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo!
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